Yep, that’s the million-dollar question isn’t it? The sad part is that the answer is actually quite simple, I’m right here…..
But there is no denying the fact that I have been MIA for the better part of the last few months. So, then the million-dollar question becomes, Why? Well, that isn’t as simple of an answer. There are some parts of the answer that I can share and some I can’t. Suffice to say that the break was needed on a few different levels to make sure that I was functioning at my best.
And make no mistake about it, this break wasn’t a holiday in any way, shape or form. It has been a period of some heavy, roll up your sleeves and dig in mental health / wellness work. Suffice to say, and evident by the fact that I am posting again, I seem to have pushed through and turned the corner back towards a more balanced life. It is a reminder that things can go sideways fast and if you don’t catch it quick enough, you will have your work cut out for you.
Like always though, I remain guarded, in a healthy way, to make sure that I keep tabs on how I am doing. It has become part of my life now. Constantly checking in with myself to see if I’m doing okay. It is like my own private game of Where’s Waldo is playing out in my head as I am always wanting to know where I am at emotionally and mentally throughout the day. So far, I have been able to find Waldo each time even if it takes a bit of time. I fear that one time however that I go looking for Waldo and he is no where around. I already have a plan for that (yeah hypervigilance) and will be reaching out to my Care and Support network for some help so fear not.
I know you’re reading this and saying that I have fallen out of touch with reality if I think that I am playing Where’s Waldo in my head but bare with me. My Where’s Waldo game is simply me sitting down and meditating. In those moments when my eyes are closed, my mind is focussed on my breathing and I just sit with the moment, I find Waldo. But the goal is to be consistent because Waldo likes to hide and play tricks so if you aren’t on top of your game, you are in for a long search and a bumpy rollercoaster ride. When you are on top of your mediation game, the search for Waldo goes fast.
In the last little while, my search for Waldo has begun to happen outside of my meditation times as well. And this is awesome when it happens. It means that I am bring mindfulness into my everyday life and I can assure you, things become so much easier to experience. So, I encourage anyone, whether you are on a PTSD journey or not, to start your own personal Where’s Waldo game. You might find Waldo and be amazed at what you learn.
On a different note, I have about 3 or 4 posts that I have been dabbling with over the past few months and plan to finish them off in the next few weeks. One will also include a contest for a fucking awesome prize…… But, working on those posts and taking a break from posting for a bit has also made me examine the future of the CrackedBadge page. I am looking at a relaunch shortly, more fitting of where I am now and where I am heading in my PTSD / Life journey (see, there is a little hint – the Rabbit hole opened up and this is more than just about PTSD now).